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Daniel the touchy feely jerk!
Despite angelic and lulling accounting-type qualities, tall Dan also exhibited a very, very dirty streak. Put bluntly, he’s a groper. If he was somewhat shorter and had a set of handcuffs or a riot...
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Lily the Snitch
It’s possible I no longer possess decent-man dating qualities. I spent almost the entire of Friday morning reliving the horrible date and have now made a resolve – I will never subject myself to that...
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My inner eye
I have an interview at the new-age shop tomorrow. Lily has been mocking me upon discovery of this and the fact that I must try to summon my inner eye and connect with my higher self. Despite her...
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Serial Dater
Have realised that attempts to find good, strong and sexy men have resulted in horrid serial dating behaviour. Over the past year, have made total fool of self with binge dating. As a result, in 2011 I...
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Good News Day
Have fabulous news today. Am thrilled as oldest friend in the world is coming home next week after ten years in England. Has asked to stay with me for a few weeks while getting set up. Am very excited...
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SHIT
Realise for second time in whole life that I have turned into boring, lonely old cow. Will be very busy now getting skinny, cleaning house and finding appropriate boyfriend in eight days.Oh and must...
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Itchy and Scratchy
I am now officially the town louse-breeder - thanks to my beautifully clean and hygienic child announcing itchy headedness to class teacher, who then announced it to the headmistress. As such, it was...
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Free Spirit
Have decided I will now be free spirit, as Lynn at work has apparently been picking up vibes of confusion and despair from me. Not sure why she would get that idea, but am slightly concerned as cannot...
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Thank God it was a dream
Saw Paul in his driveway on the way to work this morning. Was very strong and managed to refrain from throwing self at the world’s hottest law enforcement officer. Only offered him polite smile in hope...
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Party Preparations
Yipee! Woke very excited due to pending party with men in blue, used excess energy to burn fat and unused thigh muscle via walking. Was very pleased with result of three wolf whistles and two waves...
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7.30pm
Can hear party music next door. It’s now evident Paul is having mass gathering of possibly hundreds, including lots of scantily clad harlots – God, could he have hired a troupe of stippers? Will need...
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Ouch
Arrgh – my head hurts. Have decided will never drink alcohol again. Also will not starve myself of sleep anymore. Will sleep all day to catch up on bad sleeping habits.
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The man-slut
Did not die yesterday from alcoholism. But am now able to fully remember all sordid and unsordid details.Was unable to fully execute grand entrance as crowd was very thick and hard to move through....
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6 PM
Was very wrong to call sexy police officer bad and dirty names. Has just come over and asked how I am after terrible party fall. Had gone to trouble of picking best rose from garden across road as...
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Other world stuff
Best friend Jess says invite to dinner proves Paul is man-slut. Am now very confused. How do you tell these things?Also, Lynn at work did unsolicited reading of psyche today and informed me soul mate...
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Dreamy meat...
Am over the moon and suspect that Paul is probable soulmate. Apart from his culinary brilliance, he is also witty, brave and good with children – have only ever before seen these qualities in labrabor...
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Mad.
Left the house this morning feeling hot and heady due to sight of bronzed, muscular figure shoveling soil into wheelbarrow next door. When dropping Lily to school, was able to smile cheerily at rugged...
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The Englishman
Despite best efforts to be good friend, walked right past oldest friend in world at airport. Forgot 10 years had passed and was looking for awkward and lanky scruff ….. Got fright of life when tall...
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When telepathists go bad
Saturday was complete let-down. Spent all my money on expensive meats and curly salad stuff only to find out Paul couldn’t make it. Jess, Rick and Jack all thought I was caring and lavish hostess, when...
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Shitty Destiny
Have lost control of destiny and life. Cannot believe I stayed up until after midnight drinking and talking to Jack. Not only am I no closer to having a properly planned destiny, but I have taken to...
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